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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

here we are

 

 

Yup, that’s us. Or more accurately, that’s me.

 

How odd that I Googled an image for “Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor High Fertility” just to include a little illustration on this blog that lacks so much – lo and behold! – I find an image with my exact cycle day displayed.

My “high fertility” status started yesterday on CD 11 and continued today. Needless to say {but I’ll say it anyway} we’ve been doin’ the dirty =) This little machine is most definitely releasing me from the annoying game of guess your fertility. Though I have dumped the temperature charting and microscope licking, I did utilize both today, just for the fun of it without the annoying afterthoughts that come with my overanalyzing female tendencies.

and whaddya know? My temp is very low {definitely haven’t missed the big “O” yet} and the fertility scope was full of ferns(!)

 

I cannot help smiling every time I’ve looked in that little microscope and seen a slide full of ferns. Seriously, it gets me every time. There’s something about the way estrogen ferns in your spit, it’s gloriously heartwarming and reassuring. I do, I really really do, I ♥ my spit.

 

If I still had any doubts about being fertile on day 11 like the little man made gadget swears to me – the fertility scope has now backed it up. Who can deny both pee and spit reassurance? What more do I need – perhaps a stool sample test?

Technology: please don’t go there

 

But back to me and my day 11 high fertility… Who woulda thunk it?  I thought I was a late ovulater until last month and even then I declared it a fluke. Previously, I would have thought doin’ the dirty on day 11 would have only been for kicks and giggles - not part of some baby makin’ strategy.

But now I know better. Hubs still doesn’t.

He doesn’t know about “day 11” or that our fun wasn’t purely spontaneous. I’m trying my hardest to keep it that way…to not announce the most recent findings of my pee soaked adventures and suck all the fun out of our romantic romps. He needs not know what the little monitor says and that my flirty ways are all part of a plan.

After all, he got the package from FedEx, he put the batteries in it for me, he knows all about it and hasn’t asked the first question since – that’s a man for you. I’ll let him stay that way, all man, while I remain all woman –  a ticking biological time bomb of a woman ready to test even my stool sample if need be ;)

 

 

I’m crossing my fingers we’ll see the pretty “peak” days with the funny looking egg soon.

 

And yes, that is supposed to be an egg, though it looks more like a delicious deviled egg than the kind I’m supposed to be growing. I like my eggs in more of an upright position, ready to get to work hatching a youngin’, not laying down on the job. Perhaps even gold plated would be nice.

 

Or perhaps I’ll take an egg, especially a fertilized egg, anyway I can get it…

 

 

Now that I’ve shared {far too much as usual}, I have questions for you!

 

Tilted Uteruses UNITE!

Question #1:  I’ve previously been told, years ago, that I have a retorverted uterus (a.k.a. “tilted/tipped uterus”) and that it may make conceiving more difficult. {Actually, one doctor said I was tipped – the other said I wasn’t – leaving me not really sure about this one…} I’ve read conflicting articles that it shouldn’t have any bearing on fertility while others say it does. My questions: Any other tilted uteruses out there? Care to share whether it hindered the reproduction process?

 

Empty Uterus Seeks that “Special Someone”

Questions #2: I’ve been forced to look for a new OBGYN :( My previous doctor, whom I would have paid twice the price to see, moved 8 states away. As I am not able to pay the plane ticket to stalk her down and spread my legs {or the bail money I would need after such an act}, I am now on the search for a new girly doc. *Hoping* to be with child soon and past due for my yearly smear, I’m putting much more thought into this than ever before. The practice she use to be associated has several doctors and several midwives {what level/degree/certification the midwives have, I’m still looking into}. Now, I know a room full of woman with vaginas are gonna have opinions on this one – so let me have it – what are your thoughts on the midwife/OB search? Not only for a yearly, but especially when it comes to prenatal visits and delivery.

 

I hope you have the time, I’d love to hear from you!

and if you’d like to email instead, PLEASE DO!

baby-momma {at} live {dot} com

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

my early Christmas present

 

 

I received an email offering “unsolicited advice” a few days ago that started a fun chain reaction filled with girl gab, online shopping, a big purchase and starting tomorrow morning, I will continue the chain reaction with peeing on a stick.

It’s exciting, really.

I never planned on taking this big a leap into baby makin’ this early in the game, but thanks to Tiffany at & Baby Blackwell Makes Three, I have officially gone technological on the baby business.

Out with the ‘good old fashioned’ way, in with the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor:

 

 

Tiffany actually titled her email to me “Unsolicited Advice” – as if I wouldn’t be open to someone’s help in this matter I know nothing about! ha! Someone else maybe, but I am floored by anyone willing to take the time to offer kind advice to this stranger in a comment on this blog, let alone in email form.

I got her email last Thursday night and by Friday evening, this do-dad was on it’s way to my house via amazon.com. Tiffany has been amazing to answer my endless questions regarding pee sticks and periods. We have definitely struck up a friendship over this monitor and other bodily functions ;)

If nothing else comes of this big purchase, I will at least have a new friend!

ha =)

 

 

Anywho, back to my splurge…

Have you seen this thing? I had my doubts after reading the spill the website has but after reading the hundreds of reviews on Amazon and other sites – holy moly! Here’s my credit card, get that thing in my bathroom now so I can start peeing on it, ASAP!

{You should know you don’t actually pee on it, but on the nice expensive pee sticks that go into the monitor. Details, details. You get my drift how excited I was.}

 

But you ask: Lady, it’s only been 4 months, don’t you think it’s still a little early to be ditching the old fashioned way?

 

I dunno really, but I do know this – it really wasn’t the ‘good old fashioned way’ to begin with.

{No, we weren’t doing some wild Karma Sutra positions. Get your mind outta the gutter ;)}

It was the educationally informed good old fashioned way.

It was reading TCOYF {wonderful book!} and charting basal body temperatures, checking cervical mucous and googling conception tips and tricks. It was peeing on ovulation test strips, getting a big bold positive and still coming up empty handed.

This wasn’t the way our grandparents did it, people. I was already leaving good old fashioned behind in the dust.

And if you’ve read TCOYF, you may remember that she advises you to seek the advice of a doctor if you’ve been adequately charting and trying for 3-4 cycles with no pregnancy.

That’s us. That’s scary.

Some people say that the Clearblue Easy people say to give the monitor 3 cycles of use and TTC before seeking a medical professional’s help. All I could find in my manual was the advice of waiting 6 cycles. I’m giving it another 3-4 and then I’m checking in with the doc.

 

 

To finish my long drawn out story, the day I ordered it, I was at work for 12 hours. For 12 hours I researched and read in every spare moment I had, doing my best to toggle screens so no co-worker would see what I was looking at and be suspicious of my womb woes. It was a Friday and the first day of my cycle, I had to decide quick if I wanted it for this month – even with next day shipping it would only arrive by Monday and you have to start using it no later than the 5th day of your cycle or the whole month is out the window and it’s try again next time…

Talk about pressure at decision time.

I had reached a conclusion and was just about ready to complete my order when I felt the urge for my husband’s approval.

We’re not the couple that asks each other, “Honey, may I buy this?” because we trust each other as responsible, frugal adults with low tolerances for wasteful living.

{Don’t we sound fun?!}

But when I felt the need for back-up, for the most important person in my life to tell me it wasn’t a crazy, desperate, impulse buy – or at least to know that he wouldn’t judge me for my crazy, desperate, impulse buy – I texted. After all, I’d been at work all day, I hadn’t even mentioned to him I was thinking about it, and Lord knows the man had never heard of such a gadget even existing in his lifetime.

 

 

 

Our texts that evening:

{Mind you, I’m texting him out of the blue about this and we hadn’t spoken for most of the day.}

Me: Can I buy a high tech fertility monitor everyone recommends???

{Internal dialogue: “Everyone” as in a really nice girl I’ve never met before except in blogworld recommended it to me along with a few hundred other people that did a product review.}

Him: If it’s gonna help us create an heir to the thrown, you bet.

{Internal dialogue: He’s a nut.}

Me: Really?? It’s $137…

{Internal dialogue: $137 before tax and next day air shipping…}

Him: Does it help?

Me: It has glowing reviews of tons of ppl saying it worked the first month and I got an email from a blogger who reads my preggo blog telling me she was trying longer than we have been thinking they were doing everything right and never got pregnant till the first month they bought this. And we can reuse it for the next 6 kids =)

{Side note: That last part is pure joking. Not that you can’t reuse it, just that we’re not having 6 kids.}

Him: If it helps then I think you should get it.

 

Point blank: I LOVE THIS MAN♥

 

 

 

 

As for the price – I’m telling you READ THE REVIEWS. They are amazing. People trying for months and months, even years and being much older in age and saying the monitor helped them in the first month! Many said they used it as a last ditch effort before settling for the even larger bills from the specialist’s office or when going, that their doctor even recommended it themselves.

I buy products based on reviews – I have a hard time pulling the trigger without a positive review. These reviews sold me.

{I’m not expecting a miracle in the first month of use like many of these people, though I’d love to be pleasantly surprised. It’s also important to note, this machine will not get you pregnant itself, though many have probably had to restrain from showing it much appreciated affection when they finally got their BFP…}

As for Tiffany, she only had to use it one month. Go figure, I’m excited!

 

Does anyone else out there have any experience, good or bad, with this monitor or any of the others on the market? I’d love to here your reviews, as I’m sure others who read this blog would too! Thanks!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

not the day I expected

 

I don’t know why I thought this month was different.

It somehow felt different. I had an extra special feeling that I would get my positive pregnancy test yesterday, so when I got a negative, I optimistically thought it was just too early.

Not that there were any pregnancy symptoms, but there weren’t any dreaded red symptoms either.

I had reason to stay optimistic - my temperatures were still up yesterday morning.

Keeping the still high temps in mind, when I saw the dreaded red later that day, I was of course, shocked. There was no warning, no signs at all, just the disgust of seeing red.

 

 

Though there was a little disappointment, I still felt hope that it could be implantation bleeding. OR when discussing it with my husband what he suggested, with his complete lack of knowledge on the topic, might be “prenatal bleeding”. A term he coined from thin air.

When the man isn’t driving me crazy, he’s cracking me up♥

 

 

A few hours later I saw even more red in the stall at work and knew it was just too much for implantation. I actually had to break down and use a tampon - THE HORROR!!

I walked back from the bathroom completely numb.

Then the first random stranger I heard speak after my horrific trip to the bathroom was a 19 year old girl saying she had “went to the doctor and got tested today”…

I listened in a little closer thinking I was going to hear something juicy and disgusting to take my mind off of things like “gonorrhea” or “herpes”… something to make me glad that at least I wasn’t in her shoes. Something really bad to make me say, I might not be pregnant but I also don’t have _______.

Instead, her next words were “Yeah, I’m pregnant” in a pitiful, disappointed but still nonchalant kind of a way.

So much for wishing an STD on a poor, unsuspecting young girl. {I promise I’m not evil…}

 

I felt the wind knocked out of me. It was a kick to the gut when I was already down for the count. I could see myself, in all my dramatic glory, hitting my knees, face up to God, screaming “WHY HER, GOD?! WHY NOT ME?”

{Of course, I didn’t. But if there is ever a movie made about my absolutely fascinating life story one day, Jennifer Aniston will be acting out this exact scene in the way I imagined it, not as it actually happened =)}

Though, I didn’t hit my knees and scream out to God, I did immediately begin praying a prayer I had never felt the urge to pray before and which I felt come from somewhere hidden in the depths of my heart. What I prayed shocked me.

I prayed to God to give me one of these everyday “unwanted pregnancies”. To let one of these young girls go free today, to let one of these poor babies be loved and wanted and taken extra good care of, to simply decide that today, he would put a child into my womb instead of one of the 1000 girls that will bawl uncontrollably out of fear from a positive pregnancy test today. To let me jump for joy when that second line appeared and to let them pray a silent ‘Thank you, God’ when it didn’t for them.

I prayed to reverse the roles and make two very lucky girls happy today.

That is still my prayer.

 

***Disclaimer: I KNOW that not all “unplanned pregnancies” equate to “unwanted pregnancies”. A child is a blessing no matter the situation. I have many friends and family who fall into this category and who are gloriously happy and who’s children are too. I know that even the youngest, single mother can and will be a better mother than I will ever be. I also know that a few will not, will never come to terms with being a parent and will neglect that child from conception to adulthood. That is the situation I prayed about, not the previously mentioned. I honestly do not wish to offend anyone and your open understanding is appreciated!

 

 

So like I said, I was completely blindsided.

It was the fourth month of trying and I just knew it was THE month for so many logical absurd reasons.

  • Absurd reason #1 I was supposed to fall pregnant this month: I LOVE the number ♥4♥ For real, love it. It’s always hanging around any of my lucky days in some way. So of course, the fourth month would seal the deal, right?
  • Absurd reason #2 I was supposed to fall pregnant this month: I would be 9 weeks along by Christmas, which would be a few weeks earlier than I planned to tell family, but which I deemed okay, just for Christmas time, just because it would be the most magical and joyful time of the year to tell everyone. BAH-HUMBUG!
  • Absurd reason #3 I was supposed to fall pregnant this month: if a normal healthy couple has a 25% chance of conceiving each given month, than we had already used up the negative 75% chance in the first 3 months of trying, so this was the month to fall in the good 25% chance. I like my math, mother nature doesn’t.

Now YOU can see and TOTALLY AGREE with my absurd logical reasons why this should have been the month. ;)

At this point in the baby making game, I still have a great bounce back. As well as I can list all the negatives of why thisshouldhavebeenthemonth!!?!!?!, I also do well with listing the reasons why having another month under our belts until that positive test will do a world of good.

They mostly have to do with money – paying off loans, saving more, fixing up our love nest to the best it can be before adding baby birds to it, feeling more financially stable, as well as spoiling ourselves with gifts and trips that I’m sure we would shoot down in a heartbeat once a baby bird comes along.

There’s also the maturity factor. The strong couple factor. Forming a solid bond with the Lord factor. All those little things that will make us better parents the more time we have to work on them.

And I think we’re doing well with this “gift of extra time before child” we’ve been given.

While seeing this time “as a gift” is difficult, I know it’s true. I keep looking back and seeing what we have accomplished in each month we weren’t expecting, and it makes me happy that we are doing so well with God’s plan. It does all make sense. We are still young, we still have goals and aspirations that will fair better without a child for now, and I will rejoice for what I have been given – while still holding on to hope that the next month will be THE month.

Besides, finding out there’s a little Christmas miracle on the way in December will be an extra special scene in the movie of my life. Someone tell Jennifer Anniston to get ready…

=)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

new baby makin’ game plan

I love all the advice and I don’t think there’s a piece of it I wouldn’t consider doing!

Let me just tell you that the title of this post makes me want to roll my eyes and laugh at myself. I just keep thinking of the old adage, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Which makes me not really want to do anything, just kick back, relax and let it happen when it happens.

Then I think of another adage, “God helps those who helps themselves” and it gets me back scheming myself into being ‘in the family way’.

{Besides, I sure as heck ain’t the Virgin Mary, which means He at least expects the Hubs and I to do our part of the equation, even if that means the game plan boils down to only ‘doing the deed’…}

So if I were making a new plan, the newest addition was going to be the pregnancy diet {yes, you can laugh now} - limiting my sugar and simple carbohydrate intake, increasing complex carbohydrates, fiber, fruits and veggies, as well as incorporating one serving of full fat dairy a day. {Hello Haagen-Dazs!} All little dietary changes that are begininng to have some scientific background to them – I think this article summarizes the Harvard research quite well if you’re interested or think I’ve gone off the deep end.

I don’t really have weight to lose, but my diet could use a major overhaul. {Hello, my name is ____ and I’m a junk food-aholic.)

I had good intentions to majorly cut the junk food out of my diet and did for a few days. But then… Halloween came and went. Plenty of goodies around the house, which got even worse at work when people brought their leftover trick-or-treat candy. {This girlfriend didn’t bring one piece of candy to work – HELLLLOOOOO??!! What is wrong with these people? Why wouldn’t you be addicted to sugar?!}

Thanksgiving is practically tomorrow and Christmas will come as quickly as next weekend – no one I know would believe that I could cut back on the sugar on any day of the year, not to mention this sugar coated time of year. It’s my equivalent to an alcoholic bartender – it just doesn’t work.

The third old adage of the night: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So it may not be the best time of year to cut the sugar out of this junk-foodaholic’s diet. I have cut back on caffeine, limiting my one large cup of coffee only on the mornings when it feels the most possible that I may not make it through the long work day without it. I’ve also, begrudgingly, fit in a few full fat dairy products =)

I’d love to try acupuncture sometime, as well as start doing yoga, but have yet to feel too much need to cross those bridges. My stress levels have plummeted lately from what they were this summer, though I expect life will always hold its stresses. {It’s important for me to mention that I haven’t felt hardly any stress related to conceiving – it’s primarily work and the normal life stresses – which I am, HAPPILY, learning to cope much better with!}

So the “plan” this month, which is quickly coming close to an end, turned into just letting go and enjoying… and I truly have!

We’ve kept busy with lots of excitement, which seems to be growing as we get into the holidays. My vitamins have been cut down to only the prenatal and DHA. This was not on purpose – just due to laziness and the new relaxed me who was hating the OCD ritual of dividing up the vitamins in weekly pill boxes.

I admit, that was pretty obnoxious…

Did I mention that this month, I actually ovulated on the magical 14th day?!

Could it be my lucky month?

STAY TUNED!!