the dreaded red

Yes, our first cycle of trying to conceive has come to a close while the next exciting cycle is just beginning.

It’s bittersweet and yet – IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE CYCLE! I should be okay for now ;)

I’m reminding myself of the many things still left on the baby bucket list. Mainly the little fact that the more time we have until baby, the more financially secure *hopefully* we shall be. While most everything seems in it’s place and we become more emotionally mature and prepared, it could never hurt to have a little more dough for diapers… and further down the road – college!

It also doesn’t hurt to have more time for just he♥and♥me.

We’re making sure we soak up this time together as much as possible, see and do as much as possible, and make as many precious memories together as two before our entire world as we know it is rocked by a blessed miracle.

and *OOPS!* – did I forget to mention that I told him about this blog! {Do you believe me now that I’m a terrible secret keeper? It actually has me seriously doubting my abilities to keep future joyous news a secret for a WHOLE TRIMESTER.} I actually told him a couple of weeks ago. He just laughed with surprise and didn’t seem to really believe that I started yet another blog until I showed him the website!

I did tell him it was “safe” for him to read everything on it at the moment, but to not visit in the future without running it by me first… just in case the one post I don’t want him to see ahead of time is up – the what’s a fun way to tell him we’re having a baby post where I’d love to get some fun ideas from everyone. I don’t think he’s even read the first word on this website. He’s just ecstatic I have another outlet besides him for my baby chatter! =) I’ve not told a SOUL outside of him and this blog =)

With this cycle ending, just what shall I do with this:

Yeah – really, this is my morning temperature chart for the past month.

Granted, some days I charted later than the normal 7 a.m. A couple of days towards the end I may have even had a fever. And the rest of it… I have no explanation for which. I actually even wondered if I might have an overactive thyroid with all the high temps – ? {Derived from information in the TCOYF book.}

I’m chalking it up to it being my first month of being off the pill {can you ever really know what to expect that first month?} and STRESS! {Not stress due to baby-makin’ in the least… just lots of other outside factors this past month, much worse than usual…}

I’m trying not to let myself think too long on this chart. It really looks like I may have never even ovulated at all, which the severe lack of CM I seem to have experienced backs up. Though I will not let myself start to believe I will never ovulate. Like I said – first month off birth control will get the blame for now.

{I’d love and welcome any insight you veteran charters may have on the topic!!}

In good news – this cycle was only 29 days! Not the dreaded super long cycle I was expecting making the wait for the next ovulation window even longer. The drab news… this may mean my next “O” window falls on the exact dates I may be out of town for work this month – making it pretty darn difficult to conceive then! {Again, I really can’t predict when I will ovulate based on anything at this time besides the often wrong 14 day notion. So, I’m not going to get too down about our possible bad timing to be apart this next month – we’ll take advantage of the time we do have and PRAY!}

As for this past poll – I took your advice! First, for the results:

 Would you recommend any of the following (from personal experience) while trying to conceive?

93 voted and said:

• 37 votes – 39%   Ovulation pee sticks (Love my very technical terms, don’t ya?!)
• 2 votes – 2%       Ovulation saliva scope
• 33 votes – 35%   Temperature charting
• 29 votes – 31%    Analyzing cervical fluid
• 4 votes – 4%        Checking cervical position
• 48 votes – 51%    Having sex more often
• 17 votes – 18%    *Only* the “good old fashioned way”

 

Based on YOUR input, I made a *hopefully* helpful purchase to use in our future adventures:

 

 

Here we go again!

day dreamin’

Who couldn’t use one of these rooms in their house?

I know I could use 3 or 4… just move the little angel to a new nursery when one’s dirty ;)

Hope you love looking at great rooms as much as I do.

…and if you haven’t had your baby fever immunization this year…

Quick! Cover your eyes!!

 

So sorry for not properly sourcing these photos – most came from Decor Pad {which I could spend alllll day browzing} and I had just been saving them to my computer and decided with such a great collection of eye candy, I gotta share!

O-O-Ooooo-Ovulation

 

***There’s a new poll up on the side bar. I’d love to see what your votes are!

Someone asked on my last post if I’d ever let you know where I was in my “cycle”.

It’s a simple question that I’m gonna give a loooong complicated answer to ;)

and you know, when we’re talking about cycles, we’re always gonna run into a little bit of this:

 

 

For those not in the know: T.M.I. stands for Too Much Information, i.e. over sharing. Which I am guilty of more often than I care to admit, though never on the “cycle” topic… until now.

I’ll do my best to throw this up whenever we’re about to talk about the many sticky situations of conceiving. {“Sticky” isn’t the best word for me to be using here, is it? Or maybe it’s a little too appropriate…} If your stomach can’t handle it, or you didn’t want to go this in depth into our story, just the nice sweet emotions and facts for you – don’t read on past this sign. Like, ever.

Okay – the low-down.

The title is definitely a little word and one very important event I am constantly contemplating these days. You could also throw in there the terms cervical position, cervical fluid, basal body temperature – but that would have made for one long, odd blog post title wouldn’t it?

I always knew my obsession would take on a life of it’s own once the birth control went out the window. I knew it wasn’t possible for me to do this let’s make a baby thing nonchalantly. I knew I couldn’t passively try, only doing the “baby dance” when the moment felt right, not wondering whether I was ovulating or worrying whether his spermies Googled the right directions on MapQuest to get to my precious little egg’s address. {Because we all know men would rather drive around lost for hours than ask someone for directions – why would I expect his sperm to be any different?!}

I’m compulsive, inpatient, have an incessant need to plan, and I love science. This conception game we’re playing peaks absolutely every last one of my interests and annoying character traits to boot.

Obsession for me leads to a constant need to speak of my obsession out loud. {As I did for a full year in 5th grade until my parents finally gave in to my constant chatter about dogs and got me my very own =)}  I’m waiting for my husband to snap with one more mention of anything related to ovulation/birth/baby names/nursery/breast feeding… but he is one extremely tolerant, patient man. He swares he doesn’t mind when I ask him if he’d rather me stay mum on the subject until there is an actual baby to speak of. This sweet guy, he is NOTHING like me – thank God!

**Side note: If you’ve never heard of the book I have on my sidebar, TCOYF is the ultimate education in conception AND natural birth control. Don’t be deceived. This most definitely is not the “Rhythm Method”. {More on this book later – it most definitely deserves a full post to itself!}

Back to the obsession:

It is this TCOYF book that has peaked my compulsive nature to chart temperatures, to plan days that would be optimum for “baby dancing” and that most definitely grabs my scientific side with analyzing cervical fluid and the cervix position. {Is it possible to become an honorary OBGYN after you’ve gone through the conception process? No? How about honorary mid-wife?}

So now, after careful temperature taking first thing in the morning, nasty cervical fluid {or “mucous”} observation, and the random checking of the cervix… I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER I HAVE OVULATED YET OR IF IT MAY STILL HAPPEN??!!?!

How did this happen? I threw out my birth control {Nuvaring – which I LOVED} on July 20 and Aunt Flo visited on July 23rd. Based on this information and the {probably wrong} assumption of a 28 day cycle, I would have ovulated last Thursday on the 14th day, on which there was absolutely no signs of ovulation… I am, reasonably so, completely in the dark when it comes to the actual length of my cycle and just exactly when ovulation may occur.

I went without birth control for almost an entire year in 2009. {We were not “trying” and actually used other means of birth control during that time. Which, since I’m still without child, seems they worked pretty well!} My cycles were running around 31 days back then – except the time it was 36 days and I spent an unheard of amount of money on pregnancy tests and even made an appointment with the doctor thinking the pee sticks were mistaken since my period had never been so far behind. Thankfully Aunt Flo came before I showed up to that foolish appointment.

I really loved my longer 31 day cycles – thought I was super special that I was treated with more time in between periods – until now. Now I’d rather have a 28 day cycle so after each failed month I have less time to wait for the big “O” – that’s ovulation, not Oprah.

So here I am Day 20 of my cycle. Wondering if I already ovulated. Suspecting that I haven’t based on “the signs”. Wondering if I will, or ever will, at all…

To add to the equation, I’ve also been using this little doodad:

The Fertility Scope. The science nerd inside of me is having a field-day with this thing! I spit on it every morning and have yet to see any of the blessed “ferning” telling me ovulation time is here. I continue to hope I didn’t just waste 40 bucks and that ovulation just hasn’t happened yet AND that I’m not learning that I’m ovulationally challenged.

But the biggest TMI of all is – I *believe* that today, I am finally starting to see the “egg white” cervical fluid I’ve been looking for… it’s not full out, wonderfully fertile stretchy yet – but it seems it’s beginning to ‘stretch’ as if ovulation may be on the horizon. {I’ll give you a moment to throw-up in the trash can of your choice now. Let me know when you’re ready for more… Oh, back so soon? I’ll continue on then.}

Other symptoms I’ve had recently: cramps/shooting groin or upper pubic area pain, sometimes to one side {*hopeful* ovulation??} and itchy evolving to sore nipples. Not full on sore breasts – just the nips. No clue what this may mean except that I am most definitely feeling the effects of being sans birth control these days.

As for the baby-dancing, which is a term I’m also sick of and believe I will no longer type anymore, we’ve just been aiming for every other day. I never want to schedule baby-dancing sex unless we find out we have some obstacles to overcome in this journey. So for now, even if it is “the day” and neither of us have that particularly lusty look in our eyes, we are perfectly fine with just hitting the sack with the goal of trying to feel more well rested and hopefully a little more randy tomorrow.

 

 

That is, unless I see that wonderful “egg-white” cervical gold. In that case, I’ll be in one of those lovely little negligees that the hubs says collects dust in the closet in under 10 seconds flat =) 

 

**Any advice for the baby-making dummy? Should I break down and buy the pee-sticks (urine ovulation tests)? Did you have any ovulation signs? Ever use the fertility scope? Do you ovulate late in your cycle? No comment will every be TMI here! The more information I can gather – the better!!

I wouldn’t call it baby fever

 

I know baby fever. I’ve been there. There’s many places where I’ve caught the fever: facebook, other people’s blogs, and the infamous chubby cheeked creature himself in the pew in front of me at church that leaves me no choice but to stare, ooh and ahh over him, leaving me in a slobber induced coma filled with warm feelings of baby bliss, ending in 2 hours of sermon and service in which I have no clue what the preacher was preachin’ ‘bout unless it was, by chance, to go forth, be fruitful and multiply.

What I have now, I wouldn’t call it the fever. It may look like fever to you and my husband, but being on this end of it, I know the difference. You could call it “mama fever” or “9 months to 6 years fever” {my favorite ages}, but it most certainly is not “baby fever”.

The mention of a baby leaves me thinking of newborns. Those tiny little things with tiny little issues like trouble sleeping, the dreaded re-flux, or the big issue of troubles in communicating. I have no fever for that. In fact, I’m trying to overcome the fear of newborns. Of course they’re cute, but they are much too complex for this baby-dummy… will anything ever begin to prepare me for such issues?

What keeps me going in spite of that wonderfully frightening time of life is the absolute yearning from the depths of my uterus soul to be a mother. To see a little one, MY little one, grow and learn and develop and say insanely funny thoughts that pop into their little heads, and to love beyond my imagination and to feel that love in return. That I am ready for.

Before now, the “fear” I mentioned always stopped me when my thoughts seemed to continue on to the point that I was truly contemplating whether we may actually be ready for parenthood. The sleep deprivation, the unknown ailments, the screams of bloody murder, the loss of a social life as we know it… those thoughts stopped the ideas of possibly procreating cold.dead.in.their.tracks before.

But now, it’s different. It’s not the fleeting baby fever that can be easily broken with scary little phrases like “poop explosions”. It’s much stronger than that. It’s determination, mother nature, and hormones all combined in to one huge power packed punch that says “SOMEONE FERTILIZE THIS WOMAN’S EGGS, STAT!”

{Of course, that someone, I’m hoping is my loving husband… =)}

I can no longer be scared out of it. Which is how I knew it was time.

The finances aren’t perfect, the baby bucket list isn’t finished, we haven’t traveled the globe yet, nor are we nearly as mature as I would have hoped for by this age. But we’re ready. We’re up to the challenge. {I say “we” because even my husband doesn’t seem to have the fear anymore – a day I never thought I’d see!} I’m even up to the challenge of getting fat, hairy, and forever flatulent. I don’t mind all that and I would develop a 100 more unattractive traits and scrap the rest of the things not yet finished for one little screaming, projectile vomiting miracle of my own.

********************

I am so thankful to those of you who voted in the poll on the sidebar! I have a bazillion more questions for you that I’ll be putting into polling form and I hope you continue to give me your input with just a couple little clicks.

The question answered this week: How long did it take you to conceive? {Because, what else could possibly be on my mind at the moment?!} There were 83 votes cast, results as follows:

17 votes (20%) said: “I wasn’t even trying – a nice little surprise”

25 votes (30%) said they: “Conceived the first month of trying”

12 votes (14%) said it took: “3 months or less”

9 votes (10%) took: “3-6 months to conceive”

and the majority with 29 votes (34%): “6 months or more”

I now wish I had provided the answers “still trying” or “still trying after 1 year” or something to that effect. I know it’s not all rainbows and baby dust and having these facts in front of me will truly help to pull me back down to earth when my brain floats off with dreams of delivering 9 months from today. {TRYING desperately to be realistic here!}

But one can always hope =)

baby bucket list

 

I am so thankful for each and every comment and each and every person who has decided to follow along on our journey! I was already a little too excited about this blog idea, but having the most supportive friends along for the ride and ladies who are in the same boat or ’been there, done that’ – I’m over the moon. To be completely serious, just seeing how many participated in our poll on the sidebar made me giddy ;)

Anonymous and secretive isn’t my thing – I can keep friends’ secrets, but my own secrets seem to sit atop my head like a sign with flashing lights, greeting people before I even open my trap. OH MY STARS, imagine my surprise that I have kept this blog from my husband for over a frickin’ week! {Doesn’t seem like much, I know. Take my own surprise as a hint of how surprised you should be…} He may figure it out by finding the link on my computer or snooping my iPhone – but my plan is to not tell him before the *hopeful* positive.

As a side note – I hope I don’t disappoint a few of you out there when my identity is revealed. Plenty of you said you were pretty positive you knew my identity. Many of you, I’m sure, are right on the money. But a few of you – I invited because I found your blog through my own followers who followed YOU as well… and then you too left a comment that you thought you may ‘know’ who I am. I apologize in advance for misleading anyone, but not wanting to blow the surprise, I can’t straighten you out right now ;) PLEASE, stop reading now if you can’t handle the let down!

AND NOW: I’m ready to start letting every tiny conception/pregnancy/delivery/baby/child/nursery/parenting obsessed thought fly. Let’s get to it!

 

The Baby Bucket List

You probably know what a regular ol’ bucket list is; a list of things you want to do before you ‘kick the bucket’. Though I’m not comparing having a baby to kicking the bucket… we all know opening a new chapter closes another. We also know there’s a whole list of no-no’s during pregnancy and that life is pretty darn different for everyone involved post-delivery. Seeing that this *hopeful* child-to-be is planned, I’m taking this opportunity to plan a few other things that I’d like to get done pre-conception as well as pre-baby.

{While I came up with this to-do list on my own long ago – the name “baby bucket list” was completely stolen from Baby Makin’ Machine! I love it. Much better than the un-original “baby to-do” list I would have come up with on my own.}

So what’s on mine?

Pre-bump {before conception}:

• painting – furniture, walls, and anything else that will stand still. I haven’t looked into how much you’re not supposed to do while pregnant, maybe it’s just walls, maybe you can paint furniture if you’re in a well ventilated area – not sure. Just aiming to get everything out of the way I can while still possible as I know the “honey-do list” will be reaching an all-time high just before baby.
• the thrilling stuff –  white water rafting, sky-diving, roller coasters, trampoline gymnastics… if it’s fun and off-limits during pregnancy – I’m going to try to fit it in!
• food, food, and more food – I looked this one up… there’s not too much off limits during pregnancy when it comes to food consumption, but I know me, as soon as you say “you can’t”, it’s all I can think about. I’ll try to eat as much sushi, “over-easy” eggs, deli meats, blue cheese, and mass amounts of caffeine as I can until then. {For real though – trying to cut down the caffeine intake before then to avoid any type of withdrawal. Thankfully, I don’t consume too much.}
• long dips in the hot-tub – I don’t even have one, but if there’s a chance to jump in one pre-baby bump, count me in.
• dental care, x-rays – whatever the case, if it it’s something that would be swell and dandy to get done ahead of time and must be avoided while with-child, I’m attempting to get it done.
• get into shape – and not just any shape, a nice strong shape, a.k.a. muscles... I need muscles, people! I’m weak, extremely weak in the arm area especially. How am I supposed to tote baby, car seat, AND a fabulous diaper bag with these scrawny arms??? I can’t. Thus, “project mommy muscles” has begun. This also includes pumping up the all important abdominals needed to push baby out, as well as making the the recovery and return to pre-baby shape hopefully a tad easier.

 

Pre-baby {during pregnancy}:

• saving money – impossible, but I will definitely attempt to do my best not to devastate our funds too much. There’s plenty to buy: maternity clothes, baby clothes, necessities, furniture, decor, there’s a list a mile long that could suck every penny out of our retirement/college fund. As long as it’s not a used crib or used diapers, I’m open to it. Consignment, yard-sale, Craig’s list – I’ll do my best to search them all before deciding to buy new.
• continuing to work out. I’ll figure out what I’m allowed to do when the time comes.
• healthy eating – not just for me anymore!
• couple time. Very important to build the strongest bond and become a solid united front with Hubs before the baby has us taking sides. Physically, spiritually, emotionally – we’re good but I wanna be great. Thankfully, this is fun work! Trying for baby has already added more fun to the relationship ;)
• baby-moon. Not sure where or when, I just know we have to take a trip before baby – I’m dreaming of exotic beaches while storing up lots of late morning sleep.

 

The great thing about the pre-bump list is it’s ability to help me get through the months until a positive. With every negative, I’ll try to think of the things I’m still able to to do and get done while feeling more accomplished. I’ll be thinking of things to add to both lists, especially if takes longer than planned to get that positive!

Can you think of anything I’m leaving out – did you do anything “baby bucket”-like or think of anything you want to or wish you did before the blessed D-day?

I’d love the input!

Much love and luck♥