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Friday, August 6, 2010

I wouldn’t call it baby fever


I know baby fever. I’ve been there. There’s many places where I’ve caught the fever: facebook, other people’s blogs, and the infamous chubby cheeked creature himself in the pew in front of me at church that leaves me no choice but to stare, ooh and ahh over him, leaving me in a slobber induced coma filled with warm feelings of baby bliss, ending in 2 hours of sermon and service in which I have no clue what the preacher was preachin’ ‘bout unless it was, by chance, to go forth, be fruitful and multiply.

What I have now, I wouldn’t call it the fever. It may look like fever to you and my husband, but being on this end of it, I know the difference. You could call it “mama fever” or “9 months to 6 years fever” {my favorite ages}, but it most certainly is not “baby fever”.

The mention of a baby leaves me thinking of newborns. Those tiny little things with tiny little issues like trouble sleeping, the dreaded re-flux, or the big issue of troubles in communicating. I have no fever for that. In fact, I’m trying to overcome the fear of newborns. Of course they’re cute, but they are much too complex for this baby-dummy… will anything ever begin to prepare me for such issues?

What keeps me going in spite of that wonderfully frightening time of life is the absolute yearning from the depths of my uterus soul to be a mother. To see a little one, MY little one, grow and learn and develop and say insanely funny thoughts that pop into their little heads, and to love beyond my imagination and to feel that love in return. That I am ready for.

Before now, the “fear” I mentioned always stopped me when my thoughts seemed to continue on to the point that I was truly contemplating whether we may actually be ready for parenthood. The sleep deprivation, the unknown ailments, the screams of bloody murder, the loss of a social life as we know it… those thoughts stopped the ideas of possibly procreating cold.dead.in.their.tracks before.

But now, it’s different. It’s not the fleeting baby fever that can be easily broken with scary little phrases like “poop explosions”. It’s much stronger than that. It’s determination, mother nature, and hormones all combined in to one huge power packed punch that says “SOMEONE FERTILIZE THIS WOMAN’S EGGS, STAT!”

{Of course, that someone, I’m hoping is my loving husband… =)}

I can no longer be scared out of it. Which is how I knew it was time.

The finances aren’t perfect, the baby bucket list isn’t finished, we haven’t traveled the globe yet, nor are we nearly as mature as I would have hoped for by this age. But we’re ready. We’re up to the challenge. {I say “we” because even my husband doesn’t seem to have the fear anymore – a day I never thought I’d see!} I’m even up to the challenge of getting fat, hairy, and forever flatulent. I don’t mind all that and I would develop a 100 more unattractive traits and scrap the rest of the things not yet finished for one little screaming, projectile vomiting miracle of my own.


I am so thankful to those of you who voted in the poll on the sidebar! I have a bazillion more questions for you that I’ll be putting into polling form and I hope you continue to give me your input with just a couple little clicks.

The question answered this week: How long did it take you to conceive? {Because, what else could possibly be on my mind at the moment?!} There were 83 votes cast, results as follows:

17 votes (20%) said: “I wasn’t even trying – a nice little surprise”

25 votes (30%) said they: “Conceived the first month of trying”

12 votes (14%) said it took: “3 months or less”

9 votes (10%) took: “3-6 months to conceive”

and the majority with 29 votes (34%): “6 months or more”

I now wish I had provided the answers “still trying” or “still trying after 1 year” or something to that effect. I know it’s not all rainbows and baby dust and having these facts in front of me will truly help to pull me back down to earth when my brain floats off with dreams of delivering 9 months from today. {TRYING desperately to be realistic here!}

But one can always hope =)


  1. When my little girl was born I had fully expected not to feel that much until around 6 months when they start gaining their personality, but you know what?? I PROMISE you this fear of newborns and luke warm feeling for them will go away. My 11 week old already has a CRAP TON of personality and I am in love with this newborn stage...in fact, it's going by too darn quickly.

    Quick question: will you ever let us know where you are in your cycle? I'm dying to know if this month worked already!! haha.

  2. I was one of the most baby-dumb women you can imagine. I avoided kids at all costs, I didn't like them and I never planned on having them. Funny how God changes everything. I had a baby and while I was still pregnant I asked my mom "After they come out, then what?" LoL. She said you just know and she was right. My oldest is almost 3 now (!!) and I have a 1 year old too and I can't believe that I've managed to keep two little human beings alive this long. It must be instinct, but I certainly don't listen to the "experts." I praise God that He changed my mind!

  3. Yes, the newborn stage can be tough in terms of loss of sleep, your raging hormones, etc. But you will love your baby so much the first moment you see him or her that it will be worth it. Watching how they change and grow (which happens so fast!) is amazing and before you know it they are smiling, laughing, rolling and scooching around. Trust me - I have a toddler and 6-month old twins, so I know! Good luck to you on this journey! (And that book on your sidebar - TCOYF - is the best resource ever!)

  4. I agree completely!! I have baby fever. Mine definitely changes day to day, and I quickly change my mind after a tiny dose of reality. =)I am waiting to feel what you're feeling -- the feeling of no turning back! Back for now- not there. =)

  5. I'll answer the question about trying...we're still trying. We got married 9/09 and started trying on our wedding night. 1/10 went to OBGYN, 5/10 went to Reproductive Endocrinologists. FINALLY I was diagnosed with PCOS. So, we're coming up on 1 year of trying and we're looking to start our first IUI cycle this month or next. That being said, everyone is different and you could make your baby the first time outta the gate! :-D

  6. What a happy blog! Love the colors, the energy, the background! *smiling*

    My baby days are long over -but, now I have a baby granddaughter to coo over (when I can fly all the way to Portland, OR that is...wahhh! -)

    GOOD LUCK! I'm following so I can keep up!

  7. I'm not going to lie, this blog is making me have baby fever! It usually comes and goes but right now it is here and it is strong! Reading this post hasn't helped either so I blame you. =)

  8. I swear you're writing my every thought. I am in the same boat as you!

  9. awwww...you'll be terrific momma :)
    I took us almost 2 years...baby girl is due next month!

  10. I'm not in love with little babies either. I really like toddlers. I guess it's different for every couple. I'm so scared that I won't be able to get pregnant when I try. Best wishes!

  11. I just found your blog and I totally love it! I am tehe opposite of you in the fact that I can't wait for the baby stage but the 2-5 year olds scare me to death! I know what you mean though about the mother determination..I used to get scared off quickly when I heard of the hard parts of parenting but now it excites me. We have gone through some fertility treatmenst and we are on a break right now but the desire is still there! I can't wait to hear when you get that wonderful BFP!

  12. Thanks for the invite! I can't wait to discover who you are. Good luck with your journey. I hope it happens quickly as it did for us.

  13. hi darl, got your message on me blog! so just letting you know I'm waiting!!!! lol

  14. i stumbled onto your blog via a comment you wrote on my friend's blog, so i hope you don't mind if i follow along. i don't follow a whole lot of blogs, but i feel like you and i are soul mates on this subject. i have the worst "baby fever" not for actual babies right now. i've had it on and off but now it's fully on and not really fever so much...it's finally legit and i can tell because my desire to have a baby is finally to have an actually baby and not just so i can name one and dress one and decorate a cute nursery.

    i'm a preschool teacher and i love the older ages...pretty much from 1 or 2 yrs. and up, but lately i've been visiting the infant room at our school to get used to babies. it's actually been a lot of fun.

    the only difference between us is that we can't start "trying" quite yet. my insurance just got switched to something super crappy :(. *sigh*.

    i'm super excited to live vicariously through you for now :).

    good luck!

  15. your blog is so COLORFUL
    I LOVE


  16. The newborn stage goes by in the blink of an eye. When Gretchen started out growing her newborn clothes I almost cried. They truely need to stay tiny for at least 6 months so you can really enjoy the newborn stage. If I had to relive a year of my life again I would relive this past year over and over and over. It had been such a blessing.

  17. just found your blog--

    1 year of trying
    1 miscarriage
    Laproscopic surgery (to get rid of endometriosis)
    NUMEROUS rounds of clomid=

    Finally Expecting!!! DUE APRIL 4 2011

    Can't wait to read your story.

  18. Wow! You really caught at the curiousity and heart of your followers :o) Only your 3rd post and you have over 200 followers! I am so intrigued to find out who you are...I think I have a guess... but...

    Anyways...here's to all the best to "your baby to be, maybe..." adventures.

    Blessings & Aloha!

  19. I just found your blog and as someone who just went through this myself (off BC, tried casually for 7 months, now expecting), I am eager to relive it all again! Happy wishes that this journey will be everything you want it to be! I have to say - the months where it doesn't work can sometimes leave you sad/frustrated, which might catch you by surprise (it did for me anyway).

  20. Just found your blog and now I am so interested! Good Luck and hope you don't mind me following!

  21. Very cute idea! Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your journey! So excited to find out who you are :)

  22. You left a comment on my blog and of course how can i NOT follow along!? I'm definitely intrigued! :) My baby is almost 2 and she was a TOUGH newbie. Bad reflux that dr. wouldn't treat = very little sleep for her and me! It's funny though - you totally forget how miserable you were at the time - it's just a distant memory now! :) good luck on your journey! Can't wait to hear who you are!

  23. Thanks for stopping by our blog and leaving a comment! I am so curious to see who you are! :) What a fun and exciting way to document your journey to parenthood! I love the idea of doing this and I'm cheering you on all the way! Can't wait to read your posts and continue on this journey with you....whoever you are! :)

  24. Left you something on my blog! :)


  25. I guess I missed the first poll, but...

    We are expecting a miracle September 2010 AFTER:
    3 years of trying naturally
    2 years of treatment under a Reproductive Endocrinologist
    Multiple miscarriages
    Multiple rounds of different medications, including injections
    Full-scale genetic testing on both husband and I
    Diagnosis of "infertility of unknown etiology" (in other words, "we don't know why")
    Lots of tears and prayers

  26. I love your blog. I'm a ttc hopeful mama myself.

    Stop by sometime: http://thehudackfamily.blogspot.com/