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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

you missed the party


The pity party.

The one I threw myself last Thursday as I once again drug the neatly organized storage tote of pads and tampons out of the linen closet and parked it next to my throne in the bathroom.



I should mention that the thought crossed my mind of hurling the same storage tote through the bedroom window for dramatic flare and declaring that I will no longer be using pads or tampons as a sign of my disapproval with Aunt Flo’s unwelcomed visit.

But that would just be a mess that I didn’t have the energy to clean up… the broken window AND going tampon-less on principle.



Yes, it’s only month three of trying and believe me, I know exactly what kind of lecture you could give me about how short a time period that is and then pump me full of hope and encouragement with a big pat on the back to get back out there and start humping trying to conceive again.

I gave myself that same speech. I dusted myself off and started building hope back up for the next month or just whenever God decides to bless us with a little miracle.



But that did not occur BEFORE I threw myself a big old pity party. I wallowed around the house and came close to tears. I threw tiny fits that day blaming them on PMS, which it certainly was – but which the pity party in my head made all the worse when I kept reminding myself that I wouldn’t feel so witchy if I was just pregnant and not a hormonal mess of PMS BECAUSE I’M NOT $*#!*#@ PREGNANT AND MY PERIOD IS HERE!!!!!

{Which my rational self knows is actually pretty ignorant of the pity party since pregnancy hormones seem to rage about 100x worse than the dreaded red’s hormonal wave… regrettably, rational self was not invited to the pity party.}



By the end of that first day, the fog had already lifted and I came to the conclusion that: DUDE… it pretty much SUCKS that a woman who is TRYING to get pregnant has to find out the disappointing news she is NOT pregnant at the same time her weepiest, most demon possessed hormones come sweeping in making even the smallest inconveniences of the day the worst tragedies that have ever hit her life.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Either way, it’s just poor timing. Mother Nature, shame on you for playing such an evil trick on the female psyche.



It’s all very dramatic and narcissistic of me, putting so much weight and importance on MEMEME and what I WANTWANTWANT, so I usually try to pull myself out of my pity parties as soon as my rational side comes rushing in to save me from myself.

I’m back to my normal, hopeful, determined attitude and ready to change up the baby making game plan.

Because obviously, patience is not a virtue I possess {thought for the day: could God be trying to teach me something here???} and it seems to me that there may be a very real chance that I’m just going to get more hostile with each monthly visit from Auntie. If this goes on for too long… SOMEONE COULD GET HURT HERE, PEOPLE.

{For instance, if they’re standing under that bedroom window the day the tampons finally come crashing through.}



New game plan coming in the next post. This one has already rambled on longer than I doubt any of you felt like seeing through.


I’m already getting to the point that I would seriously consider most anything from the newest fertility vitamin to drinking milk while standing on your head and balancing your spouse with your free hand.

I joke… but really – don’t toy with me, because I may just do it =)

I mentioned already that patience wasn’t a virtue of mine, right?


  1. The best advice I can give you is to follow your body. Meaning, put aside the visions of the future and follow your body today. Tomorrow. The next day.

  2. I hate to sound simple, but try not doing anything. A lot of the times, my self included, it seems like pregnancy happens when you least expect it. Just ask one of the many people who give up "trying" and adopt a kid, then find out they're pregnant. I know it sounds hard, but let go, enjoy your spouse and your life, because it will change the instant you see those two lines.

  3. I've heard eating full-fat dairy products is supposed to be helpful:


    Good luck!


  4. I can totally sympathize with (and appreciate!) this post. I have been disappointed for several months as well, and it is just downright frustrating. Especially when you see shows like "16 & Pregnant" and it seems like everybody you know is getting pregnant. I don't understand it, but I hope that your next cycle is a success! Best wishes!

  5. Thank you for sharing! Just started following the blog, and my new husband and I are a few years away from trying to have kids, but I love this blog - I love your writing and your brutal honesty. Oh, and first thing I noticed about your blog was that we chose the same template from shaggy blogs. That means we both have amazing taste. :) As far as advice goes, I have heard good things about the Creighton model. My husband and I are going to start planning for our family naturally (avoiding pregnancy for now) and have an appointment in a few weeks. Here's the link: http://www.fertilitycare.org/creighton-model/ Best of luck!

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  7. I don't have any advice, but will agree with a comment above-- I have a co-worked who tried for a couple of years, finally adopted a child (which was finalized in Feb of '10), and now she's pregnant! Sometimes just trying to lower the "stress" of it may help? I know that's probably easier said than done! Good luck!

  8. I love your honesty, this blog is such a great idea.

    Maybe try Reflexology. My Reflexologist was telling me how he works with couples TTC. He does the massage treatment on them both once a week or so. This basically relaxes you. As you know stress = hard time conceiving. Or even meditating? I have been meditating for yours and it's a great stress relief for me.

    Praying for a BBP for you SOON!!!

  9. I've heard that accupuncture is awesome for trying to conceive! So, if you don't have a massive phobia of needles, it may be worth a shot.

    It's always so unfair, isn't it? It seems like people who don't want kids/aren't ready for kids (i.e. everyone on 16 and Pregnant) gets pregnant the first time, without trying, totally on accident. Then, there are women who try for years. Mother Nature is a bitch.

    Hang in there!

  10. I'm sorry, and I know it doesn't matter if it's month 3 of trying or month 33, it still sucks. Now you just have to pick yourself back up and start this wacky journey all over again!

  11. Have I mentioned before that I think you are my twin? The emotions, the pity parties, the crying... they are all too familiar to me! I went through a similar round like this this summer, and we have since stopped trying for the time being. I had to regain my "control" over my life somehow, and it has helped tremendously. I've decided that when we start to try again, I will go without the daily temperature readings and charting and just leave things to chance (not sure if I can really pull this off, but that's my goal!).

  12. I got pregnant right away with my first (like on the honeymoon...SURPRISE!!) But it took four months to get preggers again. I think it was because we (meaning me) were trying too hard. What I did after month three, was start drinking a glass of wine every night to "loosen up". It obviously did the trick. I'll be sending prayers up for you!!

  13. Oh honey, I feel for you. People who have not gone through this do not understand at all! No one that's been in your shoes is blaming/judging you for your pity party. We get it!

    I have no advice, but if you find something that works, PLEASE pass it on! And please do not say "just relax" or I might murder you. :)

  14. Green tea before ovulation, pineapple after (and avoid the Green tea after O).
    Otherwise relax and have lots of sex.

  15. Ahhh that STIIIINKS! I'm praying for a POSITIVE! Your honesty is so refreshing. Just keep on doing the "deed" and rest in the fact that God is going to provide that little one in His perfect timing. But gaaah, I know that must be SO much harder said than done. I am praying!

  16. It's going to be hard to follow my advice but just relax, that's when it happens the most is when your not really thinking about it! Sometimes people can try too hard and put too much pressure on that pivotal moment so much that it stressed their body out more! Either that or come to where I live apparently they douse the water with fertility treatments!

  17. Ugh this stinks! I know it gets harder each time you go through it, but just keep remembering that it WILL happen. It's just so great that you always have tons of ladies here with you that know what you are going through! Hang in there, praying for you!

  18. No advice but I DO pray for the MYSTERY WOMAN!!!!

  19. Sorry to hear that you are not pregnant yet.

    I agree with the person who commented second on here. Just try and forget about trying to become pregnant. I think that when people stress about wanting to be pregnant that the stress doesn't help.
    I also like the drinking a glass of wine to help "loosen up". I don't know if that would work, but it might.
    Just have fun with being with your husband and having sex without thinking about trying to get pregnant. Enjoy the time that you two spend with each other.

  20. I have all my friends saying have sex every other day from the time your period ends until it starts again. Stop all the charting business and just do that and enjoy all the one on one time with your hubby. :) Good luck and I know you will get a positive soon. :)

  21. I don't hae any advice but I will tell you that when we were trying and I would get my period I would have a beer (or 3) and for the time being it would make me feel better. Not sure that is the best way to cope, but whatever. I agree with everyone else that talks about how crazy it is how many people can get pregnant without trying and those that really want it have the hardest time.. not fair!!

  22. I swear by the clearblue ovulation monitor...we tried for 3 months and couldn't get pregnant and then I read the reviews and almost EVERYONE said.....we got pregnant our first time using this..and I was like...whatever!!! I bought one..AND LO AND BEHOLD..FIRST TIME was a charm......and then with my second one we did the same thing..and boom pregnant again the first month!

    GOOD LUCK..I know how stressful it can be! :)

  23. I had the same party last month. My "auntie" was 3 weeks late so I thought for sure we were pregnant, but we weren't. :( This month makes 6 months that we've been trying. My OB/GYN said to try to lose 10 lbs. That women who have just lost weight having a better chance of getting pregnant. I guess I'll see if it works!

  24. I recently came across your blog and LOVE the idea of it. I can't wait until you can announce to all of us that you are preggers. I read the post you wrote last month about the vitamins you are taking and it got me thinking...a good friend of mine was TTC for over a year. Her husband was taking some herbal vitamins and the dr. told him to go off of them, they were pregnant the next month. Maybe it was just coincidence but I just wanted to throw that out there...Good Luck!!!

  25. Here's all the advice I got while TTC...
    1) Relax
    2) You're trying to hard
    3) You're not doing it enough
    4) You're doing it too much
    5) Go on vacation
    6) Adopt
    7) Get fired
    8) Get a promotion
    9) It will happen when it's time
    10) Maybe it's not your time
    11) Drink the water
    12) Rub a pregnant woman's belly
    13) Pray
    14) You're not praying hard enough

    Just incase you missed it, that's my sarcastic advice. My OBGYN said have sex every 2 or 3 nights and when the perfect egg and perfect sperm hook up, you will get pregnant. After 6 years we saw a fertility specialist who knocked me up on our second IUI :) (with twins). I know see the rhyme and reason for not getting pregnant before (I wouldn't have my precious Ben and Emma) but every single month I could not imagine being at this point. So I have no advice besides the obvious (having sex) but I do know the frustration you are feeling every month and the little bit of hope you lose each month that goes by without being pregnant. Good luck to you!

  26. Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor and nothing else....it happened for us the month I threw the thermometer out the window (and the pre-seed and the stress)...all I did the month we got pregnant was use the CBEFM and have lots of fun interactions around the time it said I was fertile.

  27. my husband and I just started trying this month (been charting & researching for a few though, because I.am.ready.) and I we have the exact same thoughts and feelings. Some things I've read about that might be helpful (aside from relax and enjoy it), Rasberry Leaf tea, 2 cups a day, Pre-Seed lubricant and the Fertility Diet (book).

    also, I'm going to agree with PP, maybe try a differnt OPK. I am using the Clear Blue Easy digital ovulation predictor. It's a little expensive and wasteful (can't re-use the digital base once you use up the test sticks), but VERY easy to use. Good luck!! Hopefully very soon we will both have good news. :)

  28. Look into ovwatch.com. It's a watch that you wear to bed every night and it tells you when you're fertile days are. It worked the first month for us! (This was after 8 months of trying on our own---ovulation kits, temperature, etc.) Kind of pricy but so worth it! :)

  29. oops, sorry for the multiple comments....I have also read a pillow under your butt for 20 minutes post 'baby dance', to give the sperm a helping hand in getting to the egg. A friend of mine swears that's what helped with her first....

  30. All I can say is I know how you feel! I am right there with you and it sucks! I had to think "is God trying to teach me something too" but could he teach me something else :) I am praying for you! We are trying to get preggo too and have gone through fertility treatments but have taken a break..it suchs when you want it to happen and it doesn't. Hang in there girl!

  31. I just found your blog and love it! But I'm curious, how often do you post? I check back everyday and am finally realizing you must post only once a week? Is that right?

  32. Girl... nothing that we say will help :) I know because I have been there. They last thing that you want to hear is to quit trying.. but that's about the only thing. Stress WILL cause you to not get pregnant. When you don't think about it, it will happen. Oh... and don't pray for patience... that's bad, bad bad. Can you imagine the tests that you will be put through in order to gain more patience. No thank you :) haha

  33. This will be me in a few months I'm sure. I'm totally worried that I'm going to have a hostile uterus or something funky that will give me troubles.

  34. i LOVE the way you write and have been following you from day 1! i wait with anxious anticipation for the day when you get your BFP!!! i have awarded you the "versatile blogger award". you can go to seethepositive.blogspot.com to see it. feel free to pass it on, or not... i know you're a *little* preoccupied... ;)

  35. Just found your blog... I'm laughing out loud! Not at your unfortunate BFNs but at your brutal honesty! :) It's doubtful that I know who you are as I just happened upon this blog through Heather's Live.Love.Laugh but I sure can relate to you.

    My DH and I have been "not protecting" for 15 months and I have been actively pinpointing ovulation for 9 months. We are also mid twenties and relatively healthy individuals. I am taking prenatal vitamins and we exercise regularly... IE: We are not health freaks but are not severely unhealthy either. However, I do have a thyroid issue and while bloodwork proves that it's not causing an issue, I'm still skeptical.

    Anyway, we also are not telling family or friends that we are feverishly trying... but it isn't a giant secret. Some of my friends already have a clue and our family knows we want kids soon.

    I just got AF this weekend (BOO!) so I suppose maybe we'll get a turkey baby? HA!

    Good luck and I will try to stop by often!!!

  36. I threw myself that exact same party last month, after three months of seeing only one pink line. We've decided to take a break from trying to conceive for a while, but I am going to keep crossing my fingers and toes for you.

  37. Fingers crossed for you! I only had a couple months of trying before the doc found an issue that needed to be fixed, I get to start back up in a couple months :) I know how annoying it is to be so sure you are pregnant and then have your stupid period start. It is just a week long reminder that you aren't pregnant, ugh. I hope this next month is your month!! Good luck!

  38. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but as the mom of an IVF miracle, my advice is to start treating your mind, body and soul as if you're already pregnant. This change in eating, thinking, and living will help your body prepare for the real thing!

    Trust that I threw myself dozens of pity parties, I still have the streamers!

  39. Waiting for an update! How are things going?